Beautiful Mind
by The Hark-ness monster
Summary: A night together gives Carles a glimpse into Erik's mind, but what he finds is less than comforting.
1. Part 1

**This story was a request from my sister :)**

**At first I wasn't a huge fan of Cherik but now, of course, I love them! ^^ **

* * *

><p>X-Men: First Class<p>

A Charles/Erik fan fiction

Beautiful Mind

Part 1

We got a hotel that night. Erik and I had done our best to round up as many willing mutants as possible. We had been decently successful, despite one particularly rude and hairy man at a bar, but aside from that we had four new recruits.

We were both tired. Exhausted from the day of rounding up restless but promising youngsters, but we were not ready to call it a day without a few drinks and a game of chess.

I stared across the board at the man opposite me. His eyes were fixed on the game pieces, shifting back and forth to determine the move that would be the most beneficial to his campaign. He chose his move and executed it. Surprisingly it was not the one I had predicted. _Well played, Erik._

He knew full well that at any moment I could use my telepathic power to glean from his mind the strategies he was using, but he played against me anyway. I had promised him that I thought too highly of myself to soil my reputation with cheating, (even though there was no way anyone could ever catch me) it was true. But he didn't have to believe me. The amount of trust this man had in me was astonishing, given his nature and harsh personality. And yet, I think it was because I was the only one he felt actually understood him, precisely because I could get inside his mind. I could see everything he'd been through, understand why he is the way he is and he'd never have to say a word. He'd never have to bring those memories back to the surface and out of the dark, suppressed corners of his mind. And though most people feared and hated that I could access their most private thoughts, I think Erik _liked_ that. Around me, he would never have to actually articulate his feelings himself.

I took a sip of my drink before moving a rook to take his pawn.

It was remarkable. After just a few days of having met me, I was the only person in the whole world who had Erik Lensherr's full trust and respect. I couldn't help but pay him back with the same.

Then, in a bold, unforeseen play, he moved his knight across the board and…

"Checkmate."

_Oh my God. _I looked up at him in pure surprise. A bright grin of triumph was displayed boldly on his face. His eyes met mine and sparkled.

I glanced back at the board and replayed every move of the game in my head. It all checked out. Leaning back in my chair, I chuckled.

"Well played, Erik. Brilliant."

He looked at me with a glaringly skeptical expression, yet somewhat amused. Clearly I had not succeeded in disguising my defeat or surprise.

"You didn't think I would win, did you?" He laughed, stood up from his chair, and walked around to my side of the low chess table where he leaned against it.

I replied, "To be honest, no. Not for a second, my friend." I sank further into my chair and downed a swig of scotch from the glass in my hand. He watched me with a pleased smile, clearly proud of his great triumph over me and my apparently overestimated chess skills.

"Well I don't blame you," he said. "I was a little surprised myself. I mean, at any moment you could've pulled out your little…" he waved his fingers around his temple, imitating my mind reading gesture, "trick."

I laughed and he smiled down at me with an inexplicably sweet twinkle in his eyes. "I have to admit, it was quite tempting at times. Especially with a mind like yours," I added. Leaning closer, I rested my elbows on my knees and glanced up to meet his gaze. I really would have liked to get back inside his mind but I wasn't prepared to simply intrude. Erik was a very private man. I simply could not do that to him. It would betray his trust, which I valued very highly, even if he would never know I was there. "Like mine?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and twisting his smile to look devilishly handsome. "Yes," I told him. "I've never seen anything quite like it, and really, I haven't seen all that much. Only the small bits I was able to get at the night at the yacht. But from what I've observed of you, Erik, you're a curious man. In the very best way, of course." I smiled coyly. His face softened in the dim light of our room. It was all true, and I know he appreciated my honesty. "I really do wonder what goes on inside your head." My voice subconsciously turned soft as silk and I sighed. I turned my eyes to the ground and I thought I could feel him judging me, but later I learned that he was just weighing his thoughts. He honestly surprised me with what he said next.

"Well why don't you find out?" My eyes snapped up. For a moment it was almost as if _he _had read _my_ mind. Was he really volunteering to have his inner, personal thoughts rooted through by someone he met only days ago? "I don't mind," he assured me. His eyes were bright with a light that intrigued me and made me want to find out what he was about even more.

"Really? You don't care?" He simply shook his head and said nothing more. Well I certainly was not going to argue with that. He did _offer_ after all. "Alright." I shifted in my seat to get closer to him. He also moved closer.

He looked into my eyes, a glance of trust, before closing his. He looked as if he was preparing for something though he would never even know I was in his mind.

With a deep breath I raised my fingers to my head and began. Entering Erik's mind was like diving into cool water. At first, anyway. His feelings and emotions were calm at the moment, like a storm that had passed. I knew on the surface that his thoughts might look serene, rational and collected, but I knew there were plenty of moments in him where that was not the case.

It was like living two lives at once. I was still undeniably Charles Xavier and yet, I was living Erik Lensherr's life. Seeing what he saw, feeling what he felt. And most importantly, understanding. Though I might not always agree with Erik's choices or actions, what mattered is that I knew _why_ he did them. Most of the conflicts in this world are caused by people not understanding another person's motives. I was undeniably gifted with the ability to understand people at an almost impossible level. I was utterly thankful for this.

I started with the simple things; the game of chess we'd just played, the taste of his drink, which had been finished quickly, the way his voice felt in his throat when he spoke. The basic, seemingly insignificant sensations were always, to me, the most fantastic and curious. Without thinking, my hands moved slowly to place themselves gently on the sides of his head. I moved closer. All to get a better reading, to go deeper. He felt my hands on him and focused on them, amplifying the sensation. Then I felt his eyes open and he looked at me. I saw myself through his eyes. His thoughts were clouded as he scanned my face. Suddenly, I occupied his mind. It was not just my consciousness, he was thinking of _me._ I stopped indulging in his past sensations and focused on his present thoughts, observing what he observed and soaking up his impressions. Bright images of me appeared in little flashes across his memory. A particular look, a touch, a smile, then he was back at the present, observing my face. But his eyes settled on a particular feature; my lips. To my surprise, he thought of what it would be like to kiss me. He imagined himself leaning down and placing his lips on mine, but regrettably I saw that he had no intention of actually doing so. I felt my face grow hot. I guess I would have to take this matter into my own hands. I withdrew from his mind quickly. My eyes drew open and immediately caught his. They were bright with anticipation. I could hear his nervous, sharp breaths close to my face and my breathing quickened as well. It all happened rather fast.

His hand reached up to grab mine which was still placed gently on the side of his head, my fingers buried themselves in his auburn hair.

Without a second thought, without doubt or regret, before either of us knew what was happening, it just happened. My lips fell on his and I kissed him. He kissed me back.

Our embrace deepened, his arms wrapped around me and he drew me closer.

For a second I stopped but stayed close against him. A smile broke my lips. "You tried that didn't you?"

He grinned as well, irresistibly bright. "What?" he asked innocently.

"You wanted to kiss me but you were too shy to do it yourself so you imagined it in a place where you knew I would see it and hoped I would take the initiative." Pleased, I brushed my thumbs along the sides of his face. "Clever, very clever."

He breathed a laugh. "You're not the only one who observes people's actions Charles." He grinned slyly and continued. "Although I can't read your mind I can still predict your moves. In fact, I know you to flirt with just about anyone so I thought it was worth a shot."

"Mmm…" I hummed in agreement, through a shyly bitten lip. "Definitely worth it."

He kissed me this time, hard. I moved my lips with his, trying to suppress a smile. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up so we were standing pressed close together, lips locked.

He took control now, turning and backing me up against the wall, trapping me there with his lips and body. As I wrapped myself around him, kissing him softly and fingers winding in his hair, my mind wandered into his.

It was the simple things I fell in love with. The little flickers of beauty in his life. I was flattered to find that he considered me to be one of those things. I kissed him back harder, deeper. His whole mind brightened.

Buried deep in his thoughts, every sensation of his was mine, intensifying the current experience of my own body. Each kiss was now more than what I felt.

Thought I tried to focus on the positive things in his experience, in Erik Lensherr's mind, it is nearly impossible to avoid the negative experiences seeing as he had a disproportionate amount to the positive, and a nasty habit of tying down the good things with connections to the bad.

I saw a shining lake, frozen over in winter; I saw snow coming down on the prisoners in stripes. I saw a meadow of bright spring flowers; I saw the crushed remains of his mother's garden beneath the feet of the SS. I saw the gorgeous, bright chandelier in the hotel; I saw a dreaded night of broken glass.

Though he continued to kiss me, and I him, I saw in his mind that he was intending on breaking the kiss and letting me go a little sooner than I had hoped. I was enjoying our little game quite thoroughly. Not only was each kiss fantastic, but it gave me a free ticket inside his head. I wasn't about to let that go just yet. Without qualms, I changed his immediate intentions and his lips continued to work against mine, even finding their way to my neck on occasion. I wanted to reach the farthest corners of his mind, and that meant changing his desires. Though I was surprised by how little I had to do to get as far as we did. After all, the idea to kiss me in the first place was his own original thought.

I dared to venture into darker woods. In most of his memories he was alone. His was the only soul I felt. It was dreadful. I did indeed feel so sorry for him.

He must have sensed me there in his mind, in his lonely thoughts, for he pulled away from me rather suddenly. When he did I retreated from his mind.

We both breathed heavily against each other's chest. I looked into his eyes, they were regrettably sad. Then he spoke in a quiet, low voice that sounded on the edge of tears. "I don't want to be alone anymore," he whispered softly. We were so close I felt his breath as he said it.

My heart broke with empathy. This was a side of him he did not often show. It was pitiful and I'm sure he would not let just anyone see him like that. It was terrible to see such a strong man crumble at your fingertips.

I locked my eyes with his and a gentle hand on the back of his neck reassured him. I spoke softly and sincere. "You don't have to be," I promised.

He looked at me now with the sweetest eyes. Before then I had thought he had lost his ability to express that kind of emotion.

He released me and my feet met the ground but he stayed close. Once more I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. Deep in his eyes, he looked lost in his thoughts. I was determined to find him.

Without speaking I gently took his hand and led him to the bed of our small room.

We stood there for a moment. Neither of us said anything. He finally brought his eyes to meet mine. He looked weak, ready to shatter into pieces, but I made sure he knew that I was strong and I could carry him through all the uncertainty.

Softly, he took me into his arms with a sigh, wrapping his warm body around mine. I held him against me, laying my hands across his back. I could almost feel him shiver beneath my touch.

Growing slightly impatient, I ventured into his mind and found what he was thinking. He was always so darkly pessimistic. Drawing his thoughts out of the darkness, I gently reminded him of the opportunity he was holding in his hands. I did not change his mind, I merely suggested. He felt my hands on him and I ran with that sensation.

Almost without hesitation, he drew back from our embrace with a fierce new spark in his eyes. He kissed me hard on the lips and pushed me back onto the bed.

His mind was suddenly filled with all sorts of sensations. Soft, gentle, passionate. I saw the thought which commanded his tongue to push past my lips before I even felt it. He kissed me like the world would end. Desperate hands fumbled with the buttons on my shirt but they quickly succeeded in their task.

Now it was my turn to take control. He rolled over onto his back and I followed him with my body so our positions were reversed. But I did not kiss him. I held his head firmly between my hands and both of us squeezed our eyes tightly shut and just breathed.

I stumbled around his mind rather recklessly. There was no doubt that he felt me there and yet he let me go as I took off to the darkest corner of his memories, the one with the most weight. People's minds each have their own center of gravity and I was being pulled in. I could've resisted but I did not want to. I was dangerously curious.

A gunshot. Bang. A woman dead on the floor. That was what I saw. Then I saw nothing. But what I felt was profound and disturbing to a terrible degree. Pure, unrelenting fear, anger, rage. A rushing torrent of energy swirled around me and seemed to be the turning point which condemned the rest of his life. It was so powerful, I felt it's physical force, like being punched in the stomach and my emptions nearly spun out of control.

I cried out and shuddered beneath the memory's weight. I collapsed and crumpled in emotional pain beside him.

"I'm sorry Erik. I'm so sorry," was all I could manage to say as I tried to hold back tears. His breath was quick and sharp beside me. No doubt he too felt the crushing distress of his most sinister memory.

As his breathing slowed, I remained in deep emotional turmoil and surprising enough, it was _he_ who comforted me. He reached out and took my shaking hand, weaving our fingers together.

"It's alright," he said. Somehow his voice was calm and low.

Then I realized something. Because of that memory's nature he had conditioned himself to ignore it. To ignore the pain. He'd become strangely de-sensitized to that experience and others like it. Impossibly, all his emotions seemed to be tied down to that one spot to some degree…so that meant he had trained himself in the art of emotional control. This made me shiver inside. This skill can be dangerous and terrifying, especially when the master chooses to shut off empathy and open the flood gates of anger. From what I'd seen of Erik, this was a terrifyingly real possibility.

Tears came now from my eyes. I leaned into him like a scared child, which was what I felt like. He held me in his arms and tried to convince me that everything was ok.


	2. Part 2

X-Men: First Class

A Charles/Erik fan fiction

Beautiful Mind

Part 2

Needless to say, sleep did not come easy that night. When I finally did drift off, the minutes were fraught with treacherous nightmares of pain, death and anger. Not only was I subjected to witnessing the death of Erik's mother again and again, but other memories of the concentration camp haunted my consciousness as well.

I gasped and my eyes burst open. For a moment I lay there shivering, but quickly I regained perspective of where I was. When I did, I sighed and sat up weakly on the edge of the bed, rubbing sleep from my tired eyes.

I glanced over at Erik who lay on the other side of the bed asleep, turned away from me. At least he seemed to be sleeping well.

Unable to shake out the shards of his memories lodged in my mind like splinters, I stood and slowly trudged to the sink in the bathroom. There I plunged my hands into the ice cold water and let it lace my nerves in chills. It was strangely sobering. When I shut off the water I ran my wet hands over my feverish face and let the cold sooth me. I focused on the freezing feeling; It cleared my mind. And staring deep into the blood-shot eyes of the man in the mirror was just enough to remind me of who I was. But I was troubled by the fact that I was not wholeheartedly convinced.

I returned to bed and sunk down with a sigh. Seconds passed like hours, drowning in the soul-sucking whiteness of the ceiling hanging above me. The warmth of Erik's body seemed so far away.

All of a sudden, I heard his calm, deep voice break the stillness of the air.

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

I looked over at him and he slowly rolled over to face me. I knew exactly what he meant. It hurts living with memories like this. It truly does.

I didn't speak right away but I imagine I must've looked ready to cry. He moved to lay close beside me and a comforting hand brushed my cheek.

"I shouldn't have done that to you," I whispered.

"No," he said, moving his hand to my side. "You didn't hurt me at all. It's you I'm worried about. You shouldn't have had to see that." He sounded like he was trying to apologize for being who he was.

"It's not your fault," I told him. "I could've stopped myself but I didn't." I paused. "And I don't regret it." His eyes suddenly lit up with something between confusion and adoration. I continued. "That memory is who you are. Had I not seen it I would never be able to fully understand you…and you would still be alone in your experiences."

For him, that last sentence was everything he needed to hear. His eyes teared up though none of them fell as he breathed a deep sigh. With a reassuring glance, I rolled over onto my side and leaned my back into his chest. His arm curled around my waist and I held it there. With his warmth surrounding me, my mind was calmed like a quiet lake and I fell asleep moments later with the soothing sensation of his gentle breath on the back on my neck.

I had been awake for several minutes before I heard Erik stir beside me. I looked over at him and he shifted where he lay. Slowly his eyes fluttered open.

He took a moment to regain full consciousness. "Hi," he said tiredly when he caught sight of me. I smiled slightly and hummed in drowsy acknowledgement. He sighed and pushed himself up on one arm. "Is it morning already?"

I turned back to face the ceiling "Regrettably, yes," I replied.

I heard him groan and sit up fully, rubbing his face and neck, bleary eyed. He let out a long, painful sigh. "Let's never do that again."

I grunted and managed to pull myself up to a sitting position. Rubbing my eyes, I replied simply, "Agreed."

He turned to look at me with concern across his face. I didn't even try to smile to reassure him.

"You alright?" he asked, soft and sweet with eyes that matched his voice.

I managed a look that said, "_I'll survive_" and I nodded once.

He didn't look convinced. He crawled back onto the bed, placed a hand on the back of my neck and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

His eyes caught mine and I gave him a weak half-smile that he reluctantly accepted to satisfy his concern. I was doing just well enough to classify as "alright".

He left me then as he walked off to the bathroom and I was alone with my thoughts.

The room around me was quiet but my mind was restless, full of the sounds of twisting metal and Erik's screams. It was not so much the memory itself that disturbed me now, it was the implications, the impact that this memory would have on the rest of Erik's life…and the lives of those he came into contact with.

He scared me, the precariousness of his emotions. It's not that they were unstable…they were a little too stable. And they were all wrong. His emotions had become contorted and twisted around his experiences like the metal he could bend with his mind. In all honesty, it wasn't normal. It wasn't healthy. And it scared me to death.

I knew I had to keep an eye on him and keep him strong like I had promised to be sure he wouldn't slip and come crashing down. I hoped to God I would be enough.

We packed up our few belongings and prepared to assemble our team and head back to the base. But before we left the room for good, Erik stopped me by the door. "What happened here, stays here…agreed?"

It didn't take much thought. It was for the best. "Agreed."

Then he felt the need to add, "And it never happens again?"

He looked almost hurt to say so. And it hurt to have to agree. I nodded once, swallowing my reluctance.

"Good," he said with a forced smile. "But…" he paused, looking at me hard, scanning my face up and down. What was he looking for? I'm sure I only showed the expression of confusion. "If this is the case, I want to do one last thing before we leave…"

I didn't ask questions. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine to kiss me one last time. I kissed him back softly. It was a bitter-sweet good-bye.

When we pulled away he lingered close to me to make the moment last. It was I who finally said, "We should go."

Without a word, he turned from me and left the room. I followed close behind.

Leaving that room was like making a promise. A promise to leave behind the pain we'd suffered through together. Not to forget, but to move on in better understanding of each other.

There we promised to leave behind the guilty pleasures we'd exposed that no one else knew about us. We didn't entirely keep that last promise, but that's another story for another day.


End file.
